Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain
I love the way this is expressed. Unsafe containers. What an original and graphic way to describe a person struggling with a dark emotion. It’s profoundly disturbing how an action can be perceived as a slight and cause deep pain by one person but evoke nothing more than a shrug or raised eyebrow from another. It’s because the first person is a container that is damaged or dented while the second is a healthy, secure one.
Sometimes you don’t even know the extent and volatility of your rage or fury or envy. When an action is perceived as a slight and evokes overpowering rage so that you are no longer yourself, you are unsafe to yourself and to others. In an almost unconscious state of rage, venomous words spew out of your mouth in retaliation. And in that instant, you have burnt a bridge, lost a valuable friendship or mentor and your life spirals down on a totally different trajectory.
When that person that angers you is yourself, the anger is just as real. We all have our triggers. For me its all things mechanical: not being able to program the GPS when you are in a hurry or the computer that does not save hours of work. I can yell at the top of my voice in a frightening and ugly screech, throw things against the wall and destroy small objects.
After having lost enormously important relationships and hundreds of dollars, I’ve finally learnt distance from my emotions and how to pause before you respond. why is something so simple so difficult? Sometimes I wish I had another container and look wistfully at others and wonder why that was not my container. I think of the moments that have caused me so much and wish them all away. But in the end its how you overcome what has been meted out that makes who you are. It’s this struggle and your determination that defines you, not where you land. And hopefully it will lead to the work and friendships that you yearn for. But most importantly it will give you a buoyant, vibrant container.